Well hey there
my amazing family! Thanks for all your letters. Its been a really, really
interesting week and i wish i could explain it all adequately. I've learned so
much about myself and about why i am here, and its just been hard. Anyway. I
wont talk about my investigators at all because not anything has changed, its
still the same as it was last week. Familia Sanchez is a probable for this week
but we still got some work to do there!
Anyway,
biggest thing. I've gotten so frustrated with myself. As i have gotten further
along in the mission I've just realized that there are certain things that
missionaries start to get lazy about. Like because we are always so
unbelievably busy trying to get stuff done with the zone, i started to get kind
of lazy about time rules and getting to bed on time. Its not things where its
like obvious points of disobedience but it just kind of the general idea. and i
got really disappointed in myself this week because thats not who i am. Like i
was genuinely sad when i realized what had been happening. As i got further
along in the mission and i had started to rely on my own teaching skills more
and my experience, and had forgot that the success of a missionary is his
obedience. I remember graham Bullick said that to me once and that has always
stuck with me. Here in victoria we are having so much success. Its a HUGE
blessing. And i just began to think, how much more would we have if i was
diligently being obedient and seeking for the spirit like i was before? we were
here at "return and report" for the new missionaries being trained
(thats in a second,just wait) and i realized when i was new i was honestly a
more successful missionary, because i learned that i was NOTHING if i didn't
have the lord at my side. I knew that i couldn't do anything and that if i
wasn't being 100% obedient i wouldn't have the spirit and no one would get
baptized because my spanish was too awful to convince anyone. So it was just a
weird moment. I think thats something i really needed though. The first part
was when i had all the obedience, and none of the success, in Arauco. And here
we are having all the success, and I'm struggling with some tiny things because
I'm so stressed about bigger things. but its those little things that the lord
has commanded us to do and to focus on. Today as i was reading the scriptures i
realized that as christ was being baptized, it talks about
"testifying" to the father so many times. And as i contemplated it,
it wasn't that he was just fulfilling the commandment because he knew he had to
complete it, its because he was genuinely 100% consecrated to his father, and
being obedient to the little things was what his DESIRES had become. he was
testifying through his actions that thats who he had become. Thats what i want.
I want to come back different, not with a bunch of baptisms. I admire Mary so
much because she has changed SO much and hasn't had that success that i have
had number-wise. But thats just that...thats because success as a
missionary isn't that. SO I'm just so touched to be able to refocus this week
and honestly humble myself before the lord and recognize that I'm still
nothing. that i have been lying to myself, trying to excuse my lack of humility
on the fact that i had stuff to do for the zone, and that i didn't need to do
the little things. but thats just crap and it made me so sad to realize that. I
hope that now with the experience and time the lord has given me, i can combine
that with the humility the lord needs to work miracles and send his spirit.
because if numbers are possible with this level of consecration, what is
possible if i give more of my will? every last thing? thats what he really
wants.
Anyway, i love
you all so much. This week one of my best friends in the mission had to go home
for some stuff that happened in his family and it absolutely destroyed us. I am
now training with elder rico- a new Elder Mundell, and i just love the kid. it
makes me want to train again so bad but i think that time of my mission is up
haha. So until next week when cambios happen we are in a trio and loving it.
But it just broke my heart seeing one of my best friends have to go home for a
bit and it honestly made me so sad for when that day comes. I truly love being
out here and don't know what the heck I'm going to do when I'm not. But good
thing I'm still a baby missionary and still have a ton of time!!!! Anyway...we
are in a trio now and I'm loving it. Victoria is on fire.
I love you
all. I really love the work, and i really love the lord. Its not easy being a
missionary but its one of the few things that gives me a true purpose and makes
me happy. anyway, I love you all so much and thank you for everything.
Ill try and
think of funny stories to send soon because I'm boring now. sorry I'm so
boring. I just am so stressed haha!
Elder Tengberg
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